THE DREAM
The next evening I stood in the backyard gazing skyward. The stars were unusually visible, and I had no problem discerning a satellite orbiting overhead. I figured it was probably the space station, but of course I couldn’t be sure. I pondered the situation as the white speck drifted slowly toward the northeast. Hadn’t I observed this same event the night before? That, I figured, was entirely possible, but the space station viewed at the same location and same time on two separate nights? It was time to go to bed and forget the whole thing; in a few moments I would be fast asleep.
********************************
My boss rose from his desk, my report hanging from his left hand.
“You’ve included some mighty fine drawings in this summary, Nathan.” He flipped the packet into his out box. “I’ll get this over to production before the end of the day.”
He moseyed toward his chair. “Anything bothering you? You look a bit dumbfounded.”
“Uh, no, sir,” I shook my head. I swiveled about in my chair. “Well, actually, there is something I should tell you…”
*****************************
The next evening I wandered outside on yet another clear, star-filled night. I found a patio chair and waited for the spectacle that I was sure would unfold in a few short moments. Twenty minutes passed, and then twenty more. I grew sleepy. I rose to turn in when something caught my eye near the horizon. There came a long, low, drone, and then an explosion. A mushroom cloud enveloped the distant northwestern sky. Dallas, I questioned?
I rushed inside the house and into the bedroom, awaiting what I assumed was the inevitable: a cataclysmic explosion much closer to home. I waited, laying my head on the pillow. Nothing came: no flash, no explosion. I grew weary, awaking briefly just as the walls and windows blew in.
*******************************“Production seems to think your work may earn our company an achievement award, possibly even a Pulitzer.” My boss sat, staring ahead, apparently awaiting my reply.
“Sir, I’ve got to admit I’m not sure why a report I may not even have written would earn such honors.”
The boss folded his hands on the desk. “And why is that, Nathan?”
“Sir, I need to tell you the truth. I didn’t think any of this around us was real until I went home last night. After what happened there I don’t think there’ll be any home to go to.” I leaned forward. “You see, I thought this: you and I and everything here, was a dream, but last night I think I lost touch with what I assumed was reality.” I felt my eyes mist. “It was that satellite I kept seeing. It didn’t show up last night. Then came the explosion, the cataclysmic bomb.”
My boss drew a breath. “So, you’re saying this is a dream and last night you lost what you thought was reality?” He smiled. “Don’t worry, Nathan. You can stay here with us.” He reached across the desk, grabbing my hand in reassurance. “One thing though, just what is a satellite?”
GRIDLOCKED
Stephen Bixbee had served as senior weather forecaster for the National Weather Service for thirty years in Dallas. He assumed his retirement that prior year would put an end to any further close encounters with the severe and sometimes unpredictable weather that occurred over Texas. However, the Energy Operations Center had enlisted him for his as-needed weather advice, and thus, gave him a call when their primary forecaster, Brett Thompson, became ill.
Lead energy advisor, Shelly Berman, entered their weather office to find Stephen pulling several posted notes from his computer. “Hello, I’m Shelly Berman.” She reached out her slender arm and Stephen waved. “What’s your name?” Shelly asked.
“Bixbee, Stephen Bixbee. Folks at the Dallas NWS office always called me Bixbee, sort of rolls off your tongue, you know.”
“Okay, Bixbee, just call me Shelly. This is a heck of a time for our lead meteorologist to be out sick, but we hear from Dallas that you were one of its finest forecasters.” She pointed to the notes in Bixbee’s hand. “Just what are those, Stephen, uh, Bixbee?”
“These are all the warnings your staff meteorologist claims he pasted to your computer screens last week.” He pulled another note from the keyboard. “This one is the most chilling; says the temperature in El Paso is expected to reach 8 degrees this morning, and Houston will reach the low teens by tomorrow.”
“Yes, we’ve been advised of the big chill, Stephen, I mean Bixbee.”
“I’m sure you have, Ms. Berman, uh, Shelly, but an arctic front extending clear from El Paso to Houston north to the Red River is unheard of in these parts. Why, that’s two-hundred thousand square miles! I can’t imagine what kind of energy drain there’ll be two to three days from now.”
“We’re dealing with the situation right now,” Shelly replied. “All you need to tell me is how long the ice will last on those generators and wind turbines out west.”
“I just told you, Ms. Berman, Shelly, that is – three days!”
A gentleman stepped into the office, flagging Shelly to return to the control center. As she did so, Bixbee eyed the last of Thompson’s notes, “If the front pushes south of Houston as I expect, grids 12 through 26 will need to be taken offline for over twenty-four hours in Dallas and Ft. Worth. Should temperatures remain below freezing all the way to the Gulf, grids 36 through 50 will need to be shuttered in Houston for an extended period. Partial shutdowns in Austin and San Antonio will also be necessary.”
Bixbee had just completed his review of the latest weather models, confirming Thompson’s earlier forecast when Shelly returned. “I have a briefing with Mayor Johnson coming at the top of the hour. I’ll need to debrief you, Stephen, sorry, Bixbee, on what to tell him concerning possible rolling blackouts in the Metroplex.”
Bixbee sat down, urging Shelly to pull up a chair opposite his desk. “Ms. Berman, Shelly, I’m afraid you’ll need to get Mayor Turner of Houston on the line as well. You see, your meteorologist warned of a four day freeze across Texas last week.” Bixbee pointed to the posted notes. “Well, Mr. Thompson informed me that several power grids will need to be taken offline permanently in Dallas and Ft. Worth as well as Houston should the ice and snow reach the Gulf Coast.” Bixbee pointed to the weather models, visible on his computer screen. “Thompson was right.”
Shelly rose from her chair, her blonde hair flying about her shoulders as she stomped toward the door. “Neither you nor Brett Thompson will be telling us what to do with our power grids, Mr. Bixbee!”
Bixbee remained in his office with the door open, monitoring Shelly’s conversation with both Mayors Johnson and Turner. He glanced to his phone, noting that another line had become active.
Shelly rushed from the control room to a position near Bixbee’s door. “We’ve got the governor on the line. Says he wants to speak to our meteorologist. That’s you!” She ushered him forward. “Would you care to join us in the control center?”
Bixbee grabbed his notes. “Yes, be happy to, Ms. Berman, Shelly, that is.”
Bixbee followed Shelly into the control center, noting each of the state’s power grids illuminated in various colors on a large board that covered the length of the walls around him.
“Hello, Governor Abbott, this is Stephen Bixbee.”
Shelly strolled away, waiting near a long row of windows facing south toward Dallas. Night had fallen, the southern sky illuminated by the Metroplex. Soon, she glanced up to see Bixbee strolling toward her.
“Did you finish with the governor?”
Bixbee nodded.
“Well, fill me in, Bixbee.” She urged.
Be happy to, Shelly.”
He turned toward the windows, darkness evident across the horizon where the lights of Dallas – Ft. Worth had just shone.
“You turned off Dallas?”
Bixbee nodded again. “Yes, Shelly, along with Ft. Worth, Austin, and Houston.”
A long frown crossed Shelly’s face. “For how long, Bixbee?”
Bixbee strolled toward his office, Shelly anxiously following. Neither could ever call each other friend after this night, but finally each had learned the other’s name.
MONA
“Christine,” my father would say, and then charge into one of his longwinded sea stories. Stoic, he was: my father and my best teacher. Our first sailing experience was out of Bar Harbor, Maine with Cadillac Mountain, shrouded in snow, serving as a compass point for us to sail by.
“Christine!” he’d bellow, his curly brown locks draped across his forehead, “just remember your mother was the first lady to sail the Chapter & Verse.”
That’s how our forty-four foot sloop was christened. My mother often blurted the odd cliché when she was frazzled. “You don’t believe me?” She’d say, staring across the kitchen at my father and me. “Just wait ‘till we finish dinner and I’ll prove it to you, chapter and verse.”
Thinking back, I have no memory of what point my mother was attempting to make; only her use of this colloquialism rings in my ears.
My mother was frail, and when father and I found her shuddering uncontrollably, we sensed the end might be near. Parkinson’s took her quickly, perhaps mercifully, but Dad and I cried in each other’s arms just the same.
“We’re moving to Chicago,” my father advised a month or so after Mom’s funeral. After some explaining, Dad blurted, “besides, Chapter & Verse will be trading a harbor for a lake.”
Lake Michigan is where I grew my sailing legs. “Bring her about, Lassie”, my dad demanded, the frothy, choppy water lapping at the bow.
I was only twelve, but Dad expected a full mate’s work from me. He’d walk onboard, eyeing my skinny legs, bony shoulders and blonde locks before looking squarely into my green eyes.
“Pretty soon, the boys will be coming around. Better watch out.”
I tried to heed Dads’ advice as best I could, but during five years of sailing up and down Lake Michigan, he was the one that attempted to keep the boys at arm’s length.
It was on my eighteenth birthday that it happened. Dad decided to show me off to his friends at the Blue Shamrock, a rustic hangout perched above Lake Harbor, Michigan.
“Oh, she won’t be drinking, not yet, gents, but I thought I’d show you fellows what a real chick looks like.” He leaned his arm on my shoulder. “And this one’s come to roost while you boys sit here each night and chew the fat.”
Sure, I downed a sip or two of green beer that night. Wasn’t my first. But soon Dad started to knock down one after the other. The boys had to help him down the galley way and onto the Chapter & Verse before I walked him below. An eerie feeling enshrouded me as I hoisted the two sails and let go the lines from the boardwalk. The water had grown choppy. I balked at the anticipation of my long journey across Lake Michigan to Chicago Harbor on that moonless night. I was pulling on my life jacket when Dad appeared, wrestling with some tarp that lay along the stern.
“I’ve got to get this down below,” he muttered.
“Dad,” I said. “Put on your life jacket.”
“In a minute,” his answer.
A low, rolling swell lurched the sloop from the port side. I turned and grabbed the helm to gain control, tacking against the charging swell. As the sloop steadied, I realized what a chore this trip would be, sailing across the lake without a concerted effort from my first mate.
“Father? Father!” I turned, then rushed to the stern, only to find the tarp wrapped around the tiller. A sleepless night brought about an empty dawn. Harbor security scoured the depths, but there’d be no discovery. I’d lost my only remaining parent to the depths of Lake Michigan.
And now, even as I enter the Mona Passage, I encounter a ten foot swell, rolling through the length of the sloop, lurching me forward, then back. The strong current presses Chapter & Verse forward. I man the helm, attempting to steady the sloop even as another swell approaches. Must be Twenty feet. I steer to starboard, lurching as the swell rolls past. I glance to port. Am I dreaming? A much longer boat approaches. In another minute a dark-haired man pulls alongside my sloop. In a moment he leans toward me.
“You’re going to capsize! Get over to the crawl space on the starboard. I’ll pick you off there.” As he grabs my arm I turn to say goodbye to my dear friend, Chapter & Verse.
His name is Paul, and just for saving my life I married him. Now we have a sloop of our own, and a little girl. Both are named Mona.
THE ARTIST’S CONCEPTION
Each hill appeared similar to the former as she viewed them, but for Mary Allison, the rugged mounds breathed their own breath. Maple and elm, their leaves green, some appearing blue in the fading light, Mary devoured the colors within, smelling the ivy under her slightly turned-up nose, and listening to the crunch of fallen leaves beneath her walking boots. She pivoted for better positioning, the sullen, distant roar of a river riveting along the canyons, hundreds of feet below.
Shadows stretched along a rise ahead, time for Mary Allison to leave this wondrous place. Within the growing darkness arose visions of strange creatures, catapulting from one rock to another. Yet, she’d neither heard nor seen a manifestation of such gnomes. Onward she trod, lest she be left for the creatures that would prowl after sunset. Mary lengthened her stride, her long legs propelling her in an exhilarating walk out of the park.
The forest opened ahead, and she slowed, noting a brown creature standing well back in the woods: The buffalo? She reached into her backpack and pulled out a small canvas and case of brushes. She looked up. The beast had moved. Strolling ahead, Mary Allison raised her brush as if the instrument were her infant. Live oak branches shook at the far end of the draw. She walked into the glade, the light fading as she strolled farther into the shaded glen. An odor of rotted cow hides hung below her nose. Branches shook, leaves rustled. She turned partway, peering to her left. From behind came more rustling. She pivoted, staring at the opening from which she had come.
The buffalo stood, breathing slow, deep breaths, a slight grunt between each. Mary sat, allowing her backpack to slide onto the thick grass below. She pulled out her canvas and shuffled through her sheets of paintings. She raised her head and stared at the beast.
“There fella, take it easy. See how I’m sitting?” The buffalo dug its hooves into the fresh dirt and grass. Mary Allison eyed the creature, from his oversized head to his stumpy, fuzzy legs planted in the thick brush. “You are a sight.”
She crouched lower. “Sit fella, sit.”
The beast cowered, knees bent. With another loud grunt he stood. Then, with a thud, he knelt. She dug through her backpack until she found a case, filled with watercolor. She dabbed her brush, then again. First, his legs; get his short legs in proper sequence. Then, his hide. A last stroke of her brush and the painting was complete.
Mary Allison stared toward the buffalo, nestled in the thrush. She reached forward and ripped the canvas in half. The buffalo grunted one last time and faded from view. Only the darkened forest stood, visible in the distance, breathing its leafy breaths.
Mary rose and stowed the remainder of her tools in her backpack. She gazed overhead at a vulture, seeing his beak open with a squawk above a grove of alpines. “A condor,” she whispered, “Great California.” The vulture swept from the alpines into the glen behind her. She ruffled through her backpack, yanking her canvas portfolio from its midst. She glanced ahead. The condor sat perched high on a white pine, nibbling on the wood. He spread his feathers, beak open, and lifted his wings.
Mary Allison crossed her legs. The pale yellow bird perched on a mass of manzanita not ten feet from her. “There, now,” she murmured. She pulled out her watercolors and commenced painting.
The condor’s white and yellow feathers spanned the width of her canvas, dominating her freshly painted work of art.
Ahead, the condor stalked her with beady eyes. He lifted his claws from the low branches, his beak open. “Squawk.” The vulture careened ahead and clawed through Mary Allison’s blonde locks. She shredded the drawing, blood trickling from her scalp. She glanced up. The Great California Condor was gone.
Mary Allison hurried ahead through the thick brush. She found the pathway, stuffing her brushes and artwork into her backpack as she strode ahead. She gawked toward the edge of the forest, seeing nothing but dark shadow. Night had fallen upon the park.
Something glimmered near the base of the pines. Mary stepped aside until the golden orb grew visible between the tree trunks. A full moon. She halted, pulling her backpack around and off. She stood with canvas in hand, the glowing sphere now lodged in her brain. Brush and watercolor in hand, she nestled herself amongst the thistles. “Wonderful,” she gasped. Something rustled at her rear. She pivoted, arching her back. There he stood, appearing like a large, black dog, but this was no dog.
Mary Allison sat, frozen. She knew she had no image of this wolf in her portfolio, for there were no wolves in Yosemite Park. She dabbed the timber wolf’s shadowy outline onto her canvas, hurriedly filling in the dim white patches around his eyes and below his throat. She brushed his long legs as well as she could in the darkness. Her arms quivered, waiting for the beast to bolt forward. The wolf raised his head and howled. He howled again. She turned. The moon shone clearly in view, a black crescent shadowing the orb’s bottom third. An eclipse? Anticipating the wolf’s attack, Mary raised the brush above her chest, this wiggling tool her only defense. The wolf raised his head and howled again.
Mary Allison swabbed the moon above and beyond her image of the wolf’s torso. The wolf bolted away, manzanita shrubs rustling as he bounded through them. She sighed and peered at her painting. “Beautiful,” she uttered. But at what cost? Her painting was complete, but Mary knew what she must do, shred her freshly painted canvas into pieces to avoid prolonging her latest tango with the nightlife of Yosemite.
AMBUSHED
She strolls into the jewelry house as if she owns the Galleria. Conspicuous, she is. Could this woman be inconspicuous? Yet, this would-be empress expresses herself simply: cashmere sweater, gold earrings affixed to her ears, a hint of her designer perfume announcing her arrival.
She saunters through the shop, her eyes pursuing the jewelry displays. I hold my breath. She’s angling, angling toward me.
“May I help you, madam?”
“Sil’ vous plait.”
French? Oh gosh. My legs tremble. My hands, resting on the glass counter, reveal their impressions on the glass counter below.
Impressed by what? Her face appears oval: fair, rose’ cheeks with an olive shadow.
Deep-set blue eyes, fringed by luscious lashes, her hair dangles off her shoulders in sheen noir.
Damn, I’ve spent all my time learning Spanish for the warm, Latina women, and in this damsel walks, crème de la crème, speaking French.
She draws near. Her breath washes my soul in warmth. She purrs: French-speaking kitten. She points to a necklace.
“Belle,” she whispers.
I pluck the sapphire pendant necklace from the sampling chest while she toys with my business cards propped in a small ivory case on the counter. I extend the bauble to her, but she proceeds to turn around and remove her sweater.
I lift her cloak over the counter and hang the beige garment along a rack behind me.
Her narrow back, ribs exposed under a V cut black dress, awaits me.
She stands in position, poised. “Sil’ vous plait?” She lifts her flowing hair with both hands so that I might place the choker around her neck.
My hands tremble. I maneuver the clasp until I feel the tug of the pendant, resting below the hollow in her long neck.
She pirouettes to face me, showcasing the swell of her breasts as she adjusts the sapphire with her slender, long fingers. She steps back. I gaze at the jewels. She’s an inch or two taller than me. I view her legs before snapping my attention to her blue eyes, a shade lighter than the sapphire. I remember what I’ve observed, however: muscle-toned calves below long forelegs. I blubber, then catch my breath.
She speaks, “Qu’est-ce que tu pences?”
I turn to Gwendolyn, my partner in crime, now bent on the unfolding drama to her right.
Gwendolyn whispers. “She wants to know how she looks.”
Wait a minute, Gwendolyn doesn’t know French, but somehow Gwendolyn knows…
“Beautiful,” I stutter. “The pendant matches your eyes, almost, but not quite as luminous.” I stare above her pupils. Her long, black lashes flutter. The corners of her ruby lips curl into a smile. I ponder her words. Though we speak different languages, she understands me.
“Je vous remercie, je vais le prendre.” She reaches into her black shoulder bag. I glimpse her long legs once again. I’m motionless. Gwendolyn rushes over and grabs la dame’s credit card lest I drop the small, plastic rectangle onto the magenta carpet, below.
“Exquisite,” Gwendolyn utters to la dame. “You’ll shine like the sun back in Paris.”
La dame shows no interest in Gwendolyn; rather, she continues her visual inspection of me. Could it be she enjoys my blonde hair, so different from her own? I glance below to my suit, the slacks wrinkled after a long morning. I pull her sweater from the coat rack and hand it to her. Our eyes meet, blue upon blue. We hold our fix an extra moment. Finally, she turns. I inhale. She smiles and plucks my business card from the counter.
“Ll a e’te’ un Plaisir.”
She raises her hand. I grasp her palm and feel her fingers wrap around mine.
“Au Revoir,” I utter, citing the only French phrase I can recall.
Gwendolyn rushes to my side. We view la dame exit the shop, together.
“Okay, Thomas, you can exhale,” Gwendolyn blurts. “But this little affair isn’t over, monsieur, I assure you.”
“Monsieur? Affair?” I ask.
Gwendolyn returns to her station, securing the lock on the counter. “You’ll see.”
*******************************************************
The phone rings behind my station.
“Monsieur, Thomas?”
“Uh, yes, this is Thomas.”
“Ah, bien. Ceci est Madeleine. J’ai achete’ votre pendent, hier.”
I comprehend the word, pendant and wave to Gwendolyn.
“Gwen, it’s my French mademoiselle.”
Gwendolyn rushes to my side, giggling. “I told you.”
Gwen listens as Madeleine asks me to lunch.
“Go!” Gwendolyn whispers.
“But, I can’t, today. Remember? I’ve only got a half hour for lunch.”
Gwendolyn gazes ahead. “I’ll cover for you. I need to lose weight, anyway.”
*******************************************************
I meander about, hearing the noontime bells above the Bon Appetit Restaurant. Then, I see her, strolling with her long gait into the cabaret. I follow.
We’re seated near the windows, viewing the passersby as they rush along.
“Monsieur, Thomas, Ca fait du bien de te voir.”
“See. Yes. Bien,” I say. I stare ahead. Madeleine is wearing the necklace I sold her. The long curve of her V neckline allows a glimpse of her pale skin in contrast to the sapphire, leaving me wanton, again. I sit back. She lifts the menu with her fingertips.
“Commandons. Je suis affame’.”
I guess again as to her utterance, browsing my menu. “Bien,” I say. “Bon appetit, right?”
She nods with a soft laugh and lays her hand partway across the table. I place mine atop hers, swimming in buttery ecstasy. We proceed to order, Madeleine reading the French on the right side of her menu as I scroll the English to the left on mine…
*********************************************************
“Well, how did it go?” Gwendolyn queries, her short, brown mane surrounding her face.
“We’re going to meet again, tomorrow.” I smile. “I’ve got an hour this time.”
This serenade continues until a certain Tuesday, when I suggest to Madeleine we meet for dinner to enjoy the evening cabaret.
The music rouses. We’re seated. Madeleine sports a blue evening dress, short enough to reveal her extensive legs. We dance, then some more, the music slowing with a melodic rhythm. Madeleine’s fingertips crawl along my back. The music wanes. The room dims. I moisten Madeleine’s lips with mine. She returns my favour with her original version of a French kiss, steaming, relentless. We return to our seats and continue our caressing, oblivious to the dwindling crowd and lackluster music. Speaking different languages, we invent a dialect all our own.
I’m late to work again. Gwendolyn approaches.
“Thomas, the boss is watching you. Pry your head out of Madeleine’s chest for a while, huh?”
I grimace. “Gwendolyn. We’ve got to talk.”
Gwendolyn glances around the shop: no one, not at nine-thirty in the morning.
“What is it, Prince Charming? “
“That’s just it, Gwen. Madeleine and I have been everywhere, done everything, but…”
“But what?” Gwendolyn stares into my woeful eyes. “Oh,” she says. “Having trouble taking her for a tumble, huh, charmer?”’ Gwendolyn pulls me through the swinging doors behind us and out of the jewelry viewing area.
“I’ve got more, Gwen. She’s getting quiet when we’re together.”
“That’s ‘cause you can’t speak her language!” Gwendolyn exclaims, chuckling.
“No, it’s not that,” I insist. “We’ve been teaching each other: me to understand French, her to speak English. But, I didn’t understand what she said when we kissed goodnight, something about…I don’t know.”
Gwen grasps my hand. “She probably craved your everything right then. Girls have strange ways. I’ll bet she was dripping—“
“No, it’s not like that. We talked and talked last night, having to learn new words, stumbling over old ones. You see, when we kissed goodnight, Madeleine was crying.”
Gwendolyn raises her finger to her chin, scratching her smooth skin as if touting a beard.
The boss’s voice rings out from the lobby. “Gwendolyn! Thomas! You’ve got a customer.”
Lunchtime nears. Gwendolyn strolls toward me, I to her. “I’m supposed to meet Madeleine In a few minutes. Damn, it’s been busy.”
“Never mind that,” Gwendolyn says. She pulls a small jewelry box from her handbag and leans forward, pressing the box into my chest. “Look, guy, I know you pretty well, right? Five years we’ve been corralled in this joint, and I’ve got news.” Her lips are poised inches from my ears. “We’re not getting any younger.”
Gwendolyn proceeds to open the box, a sapphire diamond ring glimmering forth.
“You stole this? Why, why would you…?” I asked.
Gwendolyn grabs my arm and places the box in my right hand. “I didn’t steal it. I bought it for you.”
“What?” I squeal. “Why?”
Gwendolyn’s blue eyes peer into mine. She nods.
I place my hand on Gwendolyn’s shoulder. “You want me to ask Madeleine…”
Gwendolyn shakes her head. “God, you’re slow, Mister. Too slow. If my take is right, Madeleine is about to hand you your walking papers. Never make a girl cry, Thomas. Never.”
Gwendolyn accompanies me across the shop as I cradle the gift-box in my hands.
“It’s your choice,” she says. “You’ve told her you love her, right?”
I ponder our romance: Madeleine and I. There has been none like it. I lower my head.
“Yes,” I answer, “but only with my reply, after she said she loves me. You know—.“
Gwendolyn pushes me toward the door. “Get going before I change my mind.”
*********************************************************
I arrive at Bon Appetit, but no Madeleine. A half hour passes. I have a half hour left.
Then, there she is, sauntering, limping toward me. Something’s in her hand.
Madeleine greets me with a stroke of her finger along my cheek. Blood rushes to my toes.
Gwen’s right. Madeleine’s about to say goodbye.
She hands me her sapphire necklace. “I don’t want this anymore. It’ll bring back memories.”
I examine her, dressed in a loose-fitting green smock, so that the cherry camisole wedged underneath, beckons. I look into her eyes, puffy. No makeup. Oh, God.
From somewhere come sirens, and a parade of police cars. The racket overwhelms us. I bend to my knees and pull the box from my pocket. My hands shake as if we have returned to our first day together, months before, Madeleine and I; me struggling to understand her words, she ready and willing to understand mine.
Madeleine glances below as I open the box. She turns away, then pivots toward me.
“No, Thomas. If only…no.”
****************************************************
Another afternoon grinds to a close. The Galleria has become a prison, vaulted in memories, complete with security. I glance to the windows. The armed guard stands just outside.
Gwendolyn approaches. “You look worn, guy. Why don’t you go home.”
I consider Gwendolyn’s notion just before the boss walks in. I return to my station and assist what I expect to be my last customer.
A woman strolls in. Gwendolyn greets her and commences exploring an extensive line of jewelry for her.
I bid my last customer farewell and turn to leave.
“Wait, Theresa, I think my right-hand man is finished.”
I glance across to the woman: slender, graceful in her movements as she approaches.
“Sprichst du Duetsch?”
“Nein,” I adlib. Heck, I know that much German. I concentrate. German? I turn to Gwendolyn, wagging my finger below the countertop.
“Ich kaufe eine neue Garderobe und wollen Schmuck passen,” the woman says.
I stare ahead. This fraulein’s blonde curls are bright and furled, her pug nose – dimpled, her eyes: blue as the Pacific Ocean at dawn.
I turn to Gwendolyn, question wrought upon my face. It’s six-thirty. Gwen has passed this woman to me ‘cause she’s ready to go home. I draw a breath. Ambushed, ambushed I am, by my sneaky, plotting coworker and a brazen, blonde, beauty from somewhere in Munich.
I stare at Gwendolyn, waiting for any help she can muster with translation. Gwen faces me.
“Theresa is buying a new wardrobe and needs custom jewelry to complete her ensemble.”
Gwen tosses her phone into her handbag and walks from behind the counter. She approaches me, her lips pursed not five inches from my ear.
“You got it, Big Guy? I’ll lock the doors as I leave.” She pecks me on the cheek and smiles.
I jump, feeling my co-worker’s cool lips grace my cheek for the first time in six years.
She leans in, pecking me again.
I jerk forward. “Gwen!”
Gwendolyn whispers. “She’s all yours this time, Thomas. Trust me, will ya?”
I turn to my waiting frau, her white shawl hanging from her fingers. “Konnen Sie dies fur mich Stauen?”
I pluck the soft cloak from her hand and hang the slight garment on the rack behind me. I pivot to see Theresa pointing to a gold watch, glimmering through the case below. Our eyes meet; her deep blue orbs appear moist as her full lips. We take a breath.
I think of Gwendolyn and step around the glass case, extending my hand.
“Theresa, I almost forgot to introduce myself.”
She clutches my palm with her cool, smooth hand: titillating.
“My name is Thomas.”
RETURN FROM NADIR
My grievance wasn’t that Stella waited twelve years to return, but rather, she could have called before showing up unannounced. “Stella, you’re my only child, and therefore you’re special. Mommy loves you.” This is what I always told her.
When I heard the knock at the door, I was prepared to send the latest salesperson away, but instead, my daughter stood, two inches taller than when she’d left. Stella’s hair was blonde. I’d never noticed how much so.
After recovering from my surprise, I gasped, “C’mon in, honey,” wrapping my arms around her. Stella entered the living room and immediately took a seat on the couch. I strolled across the room, not knowing where to sit. I found that the kitchen chair I’d left near the entryway served the purpose.
“Where do I start?” Stella questioned while gawking toward the front door.
“Perhaps with your sudden departure,” I responded, lowering my chin to avoid a direct stare into my daughter’s deep blue eyes. Nothing’s changed. “Not even a note?” I asked, lifting my gaze toward the door. Perhaps she’s ready to bolt back into the wild blue.
“I did leave a message,” Stella shaking her head. “But how come we’re not talking about you, Mom? What’s your excuse for skipping out?” Stella sat up as if demanding my full attention. “Dad said you were having an affair.”
I made eye contact once again. “Oh my God, how ridiculous,” I bellowed, “I knew I should have told you.”
“Told me what?” she asked.
“I had breast cancer, Honey, and I didn’t want you or your father to know. He was the one who sought other women. The cancer was the final blow.”
“So, what did you…?”
I raised my arms while taking a deep breath. “Full mastectomy. Surgeons can perform miracles with reconstruction.”
Stella leapt from the couch and fell into my arms. “Why didn’t you tell me, Mom?” Her tears wetted my arm. She stood and faced the front door. “I’ve got someone you need to meet.”
“What?” I murmured. “Stella, are you telling me…?”
“You’re a Grandma.”
“Stella!” I started toward the door. “You left that poor child outside?” Stella rushed past me and opened the front door, her daughter, standing almost four feet tall, waiting on the stoop.
I ushered them both back in, locking the door this time. “There’s no one else out there, right?”
They both laughed. For the first time in twelve years we laughed. I gazed at my new inheritance, her auburn hair glowing as bright as the fall leaves along Hudson Bay.
“What’s your name?”
“Shirley,” she whispered.
I gulped for air, turning to Stella. “You named her after me?”
“I didn’t think I’d see you again, Mom.” Shirley slid close to her mom, as if protecting her. “Shirley was my way of remembering you.”
I winked at my little counterpart. “How old are you?”
“Seven,” she murmured, smiling. I touched one of her pointy ears with my pinky.
“That’s right, Mom,” Stella announced. “Her ears stick out like yours.”
“Oh, gosh,” I murmured, “let’s get you two something to drink.”
“I want Coke,” little Shirley proclaimed. Stella rose and led her daughter toward the refrigerator, proceeding to pour her the fizzing soda. She pivoted toward me, and we stepped back into the living area.
“There’s someone missing in this equation, Hon. Where’s Shirley’s father?” Taking further notice of a long mark on Stella’s forehead, I brushed her bangs aside for a clearer observation.
“He was rough, Mom. We ran for it. I couldn’t take any chances with Shirley’s well-being.”
I turned to see little Shirley standing near the entryway, listening.
“Oh, stupid me,” I burst, “still hiding the truth!”
Fear washed over me, then regret, and finally shame. I turned, rushing toward the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.” With the door shut behind me, I flipped on the light, staring at my own blue eyes and auburn bangs through the mirror. “God, help me,” I whispered, whimpering. “Help me.”
“Are you okay, Mom?”
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
Let them vanish, I thought, evanesce. I’m a coward. I leaned on the bathroom door a moment, and then eased the door open. There stood my daughter and granddaughter.
“Shirley wants to know if Grandma’s okay, Mom.” I rubbed my hands together before walking past them and down the hallway, entering the living room.
“I will be, Baby, soon as I pull myself from this pit.”
I sat on the couch, urging both of them to sit beside me, creating a three generation sandwich of flesh. “I’m not going to ask either of you any more questions. You tell me what you want to, what you need to. Meanwhile, I’m going to tell you everything, everything that’s happened in
the past twelve years.” I rose. “That means we’re going to need some lunch. Let’s say we all head to that old A&W down on Bronx Street?”
“Really?” Stella asked. “You mean that relic is still there?”
“Yippee!” Shirley proclaimed.
“Well, not exactly.” I admitted. I raised my arms. “It’s renovated, just like me.”
THE UMPTEENTH LETTER
I didn’t know Suzanne Oakley while she lived down the street, but I would learn.
Green eyes, blonde hair, she lived but four houses up the block, territory I was accustomed to visiting merely because of her brother, Josh. Gosh-Josh we called him. We were young: thirteen going on fourteen, but sometimes retreating to twelve going on eleven.
Suzanne was different that way. I remember her walking into the bathroom to comb her hair: blonde, long, bountiful locks. She’d push a comb through her thick mane as if a snowplow charging through five-foot drifts. I once viewed her through the bathroom mirror as I stepped in, waiting to use the facilities. Her dark green eyes reflected a somber tone even as she smiled her radiant grin.
Suzanne didn’t go to the same school as I, so we never met outside her household campus.
Thus, I thought little of her parent’s pronouncement that it was time they move away from Arizona. “We’re off to the land of fruit and honey,” Suzanne’s mother remarked. “California, that’s the place for Suzanne to blossom.”
I strolled up the street for some back-lot football the next week. The sold sign already swung to and fro in Suzanne’s yard. The next time I ventured out, Suzanne and family were gone.
The first letter came a week later. My sister, Patricia, brought the piece of mail to me while I studied. I glanced up just as she departed; fewer words were never spoken between two siblings.
I snatched the envelope from my desk. Suzanne Oakley’s name was neatly printed on the top left along with her new return address: 14210 Round Hill Drive: Walnut Creek, CA. I pulled the letter from the envelope to find two full pages of script. It took me an hour to digest the story of her new life in the Golden State.
I scribbled what notes I could about home in the desert and sent the letter off. Four days later another letter came.
“Here, Mark.” This time Patricia placed the letter on my bed: less confusing for me that way, I figured, no unnecessary eye contact.
Suzanne’s letters kept coming; so frequent and lengthy they were that I soon found it necessary to learn the English language while still in the eighth grade.
On this particular evening Patricia placed Suzanne’s letter in my hand. I glanced up, my Sis’s brown hair and frown seeming to darken the room. “Well, do you like her?”
“Like who?” I asked.
Patricia grunted. “Suzanne, ding dong. You don’t think after fifteen letters she’s not in some sort of love with you?”
I curled up in my chair, feet pulled underneath my legs. “Love?” I whispered.
“Yes, soldier boy.”
Patricia pulled the envelope from my hand and checked Suzanne’s address. “I need to write this girl and tell her she’s wasting her time.”
“Give me that,” I protested, grabbing the envelope.
Patricia trotted off, dropping the letter to the floor as she reached the door.
I sat back. Perhaps Sis knew something I didn’t; after all, she was two years my senior, and already had a boyfriend. But, I’d only written six or seven letters to Suzanne, not Patricia’s count of fifteen. I contemplated for a moment. If I add Suzanne’s letters to mine, they might total…15? Patricia was a good mathematician, too.
*******************************************
My fingers tingled as I sat poised to write the sixteenth letter. I thought of Suzanne’s frock of long, blonde hair and glowing green eyes. Did I want to…kiss her? I felt dizzy.
In this verse, I would ask Suzanne for her phone number and give her mine, along with the many other personal details I had, to this moment, neglected to divulge or explore.
After finished my letter I gazed to the window. The ebbing sun shone through the curtains.
“The mailman!” I cussed. I had missed the courier’s afternoon delivery.
I rolled over on my bed, woozy and dizzy with waves of emotion that churned within, as if giant swells crashed, breaking onto my internal beachhead.
The next day, I strode into the kitchen for a snack to find my mother standing near the counter.
“There’s another letter here, Mark.” She examined the letter. “For the umpteenth time, will you please tell your little friend to include her return address.” She handed the hefty packet to me, shaking her head. “What if this were lost?”
I rushed into the bedroom in question. Why am I receiving a letter so soon? I checked the handwriting: Suzanne’s, all right.
I pulled the four-page letter from the envelope. “Dear, Mark…” I finished reading. Patricia’s intuition was indeed that of a young woman’s. Suzanne had been falling in love with me, her first love she proclaimed, but all in vain. Her feelings were unrequited, she said. I would need to check that definition, immediately. This was to be our last correspondence, Suzanne informed me. But my letter of love was already on its way.
Patricia strolled in and noted my sunken demeanor, Suzanne’s letter hanging from my fingers.
“What did I tell you, ding dong? You should have let me handle this, woman to woman.”
Patricia plucked the pages from my hand.
“Go ahead and read it,” I stammered. I grasped for words as tears misted forth from my sad, blue eyes. My feelings were ineffable. “Doesn’t matter, Patty. None of it matters.”
*******************************************
That Friday, after school, I sat nibbling on a cookie. I decided to take a walk. My stroll took me past what had been the Oakley’s yellow, brick house. Two large palm trees that fronted their yard swayed under a strong breeze. No one stirred. I visualized throngs of young teenagers tossing a football around the dirt lot at the end of the block.
I felt a hiraeth for Suzanne and family, longing for another glimpse of her blonde mane as she combed out her curls in front of her bathroom mirror, all-the-while smiling with a dash of radiance. Had she even lived here? No sign of her now? I sauntered home, unwilling to open my front door, anticipating the darkness that dwelled within, and Patricia, to swallow me.
There would be no eighteenth letter awaiting me, none delivered, even in Patty’s sweaty palm.
Only the umpteenth letter my Mom had delivered remained, lying open on my dresser to yellow with age.
I heard a commotion inside. “Mark, Mark, is that you?”
I pulled the door wide open to observe my Mother holding the telephone. Mom waved me further inside. “Where have you been, Son? She’s waiting.”
“Who?” I queried.
“Your lady in waiting, ding dong.” Patricia grimaced as she poked her head in from the living room.
I grabbed the telephone. “Hello?” I answered in questionable fashion.”
“Mark?” Suzanne answered with her own question. I grimaced, staring ahead at my Sister and Mother.
“Take it in my bedroom,” Patricia ordered, pulling the phone from my hand. “But don’t touch a thing in there, or look in my dresser. Just sit on the bed. Everything’s private property.”
I focused on my Sis’s dark, brown eyes as I brushed past her. She grinned, “lover boy.”